Wednesday 6 April 2011

archived post 2011 - Confessions

I have a confession to make.
Monday was a bad day for me.
I was not a therapeutic parent on Monday night, I was not a good parent, in fact I was not even a good enough parent. I sucked at parenting on Monday.
I am okay with that.
Really I am and you should be to.

I am not perfect. I yell at my kids when they do things like scare the crap out of me by disappearing when they should be in the house, unpacking their backpacks because even though I am running a few minutes late and was not home when they got off the bus they know what to do and should be doing it.

I should not of yelled, I certainly should of not used some of the words I choose to use but I was scared and upset and then angry that they chose to ignore yet again. Once I calmed down a little and had settled my heart rate down to it's normal number of beats per minute I talked to them. I was still not therapeutic though. I may of not been yelling anymore but I was still mad and there was little that I said or did that night that could be considering good parenting when you are dealing with hurt kids (probably not for any kids in fact).

I regret what I said, but I am not perfect, things happen. It was not mean or belittling but it was about my expectations for them and in that moment my expectations for my kids were unrealistic because when my kids are scared they lie, when I yell at kids they get scared. My kids made a mistake, I yelled, they shut down and it spiralled out of control from there. I was upset for a long time but by bedtime we had managed to make it so that everyone was feeling calmer and more regulated.

My kids will survive, I will survive and we will move forward together.

If you are having a hard parenting day, if you just yelled at your kid or said something that was probably not the best thing to say or sent them to there room forever till they could behave like a civilized human being... know that you are not alone.

It's a good thing that Tuesday was a new day. It was better than Monday, not fantastic but better.