Friday 27 January 2012

Archived Post 2012 - Expecting

In case you hadn't heard, we are expecting, again.
Isn't that exciting.
I am thrilled, excited does not even begin to cover how I am feeling.
It will be soon.
Tomorrow in fact.
We meet Kate tomorrow.
She will be 6 next Thursday.
I am looking forward to this with an equal share of excitement, concern and anticipation.
I am excited to have a daughter.
I am concerned about how very hard this is going to be.
I am anticipating the challenges in a way that only a parent who has already experienced older child adoption can.
She only just heard about us yesterday, she was excited to have brothers.
Her brothers are mostly excited to have a sister.
This journey, the one we are stepping into with arms open wide is going to be a challenging one.
I am expecting there to be lots of bumps and turns along the way.
Yet I look forward to it in a way that I never knew I could because I love my children and I am so looking forward to loving another as much as I love the two I already have.

Saturday 21 January 2012

Archived Post 2012 - Transitions

We are in a state of transition around here in my little corner of the universe and my time to blog has been limited and it's hard to justify the time. I enjoy writing and the community of friends I have here and yet given the state of our lives right now there is little time for spending time in the virtual world.
We have a dollhouse half assembled on the dining room table, we have a pink and green bedroom mostly painted, we have a transition plan for getting to know Kate (who currently lives 5 hours away) and we have sons who are finding all of this change alternately terrifying and exciting. Their fear manifests itself as behaviour that I sometimes deal with in a calm, therapeutic fashion, other times I am less than stellar in my responses. I have been more conscious of how my reactions affect my kids and am working to keep the stellar moments to a minimum.

That being said though, I am seeing huge changes in the boys as they learn that no matter what they are here forever. We have had a rough few months emotionally as we have all survived, no one has exploded or left and I think that in many ways that has been really good my kids sense of security. We are working hard at communicating with one another helpful ways and I am working hard at making sure that my buttons are a little harder to push than they were a few months ago. One of my children is particularly good at pushing my buttons and it was definitely affecting his attachment to me. I had to be the one to change so that he could move closer to me. He still pushes, I still react, I am just reacting differently than I did before (as often as I can) and I see him moving closer to me as a result. It was a change I had to make because once Kate arrives things are going to get a lot harder.

The last 2 months of  waiting have been good for us though, a good time to dream and hope, to talk and imagine what life will be like. Once we start the transition next week there will no going back.  I guess I better ready for the ride cause my gut says that even though we are all excited this roller coaster ride is going to have some hidden curves.