We are in a state of transition around here in my little corner of the universe and my time to blog has been limited and it's hard to justify the time. I enjoy writing and the community of friends I have here and yet given the state of our lives right now there is little time for spending time in the virtual world.
We have a dollhouse half assembled on the dining room table, we have a pink and green bedroom mostly painted, we have a transition plan for getting to know Kate (who currently lives 5 hours away) and we have sons who are finding all of this change alternately terrifying and exciting. Their fear manifests itself as behaviour that I sometimes deal with in a calm, therapeutic fashion, other times I am less than stellar in my responses. I have been more conscious of how my reactions affect my kids and am working to keep the stellar moments to a minimum.
That being said though, I am seeing huge changes in the boys as they learn that no matter what they are here forever. We have had a rough few months emotionally as we have all survived, no one has exploded or left and I think that in many ways that has been really good my kids sense of security. We are working hard at communicating with one another helpful ways and I am working hard at making sure that my buttons are a little harder to push than they were a few months ago. One of my children is particularly good at pushing my buttons and it was definitely affecting his attachment to me. I had to be the one to change so that he could move closer to me. He still pushes, I still react, I am just reacting differently than I did before (as often as I can) and I see him moving closer to me as a result. It was a change I had to make because once Kate arrives things are going to get a lot harder.
The last 2 months of waiting have been good for us though, a good time to dream and hope, to talk and imagine what life will be like. Once we start the transition next week there will no going back. I guess I better ready for the ride cause my gut says that even though we are all excited this roller coaster ride is going to have some hidden curves.