I brought Kate to therapy today. We come every two weeks and usually I stay but the therapist and I had conversation last week about Kate potentially not wanting me in the room and me not wanting to be in the room because my own trauma is so triggered by my kids current trauma. That being said being asked to leave today makes me so sad , not because I want to be there but because I don’t want my kids to have to do this. I don’t want them to have to heal from the trauma that their brother caused because I wish it hadn’t happened and I feel so bad that it did.
Bad that I didn’t pay more attention.
Bad that I didn’t keep them safe.
Bad they are now blaming themselves for what he did even though it is definitely not their fault.
Trauma on top of trauma and it is all so complicated and heartbreaking for all of us.