Saturday 10 August 2019

I was..

Once, I was so hopeful about being a Mom. I was going to make a difference in kids lives. I was going to make sure they had all the things I did not.

I was going to pay attention. I was going to give them fun rooms with great colours and fun themes. I was going to make sure that they always knew I was here and that they were loved and wanted. I was not going miss it if one of them was mistreating another. I was not going to play favourites. I was going to make sure that they had stimulating toys and books. I was not going to let them watch cable or play video games till their eyes glazed over. I was going to teach them good manners and to be respectful.

I was going to do all the things my parents never did for me and then some. I was going to be a great Mom.

And I am. I was.

But it wasn't enough. It was never enough.

One of my children still hurt his siblings in so many ways and then broke us when he denied that it ever happened. The cycle of sexual abuse continued in my home even though I was so careful because I did not want my children to live my life. I wanted it to be different for them.

It wasn't.

But now it is. I am hearing them. I am believing them. I am supporting them. I will not pretend that this did not happen and that we are the perfect happy adoptive family success story.

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