I sat down with your birth mom last week to talk about the current state of our lives and how the choices you have made have changed the course of so many lives. I wish I could have the same conversation with you. I wish we could talk so that you could hear that I still love you and that we all can forgive you and move forward to build a new path as a family. It will never be the same as it was but it can happen.
I want to tell you that I am sorry that you were hurt as a little kid. I am sorry that you did not feel safe or loved or wanted. I am sorry that you had to move as many times as you did and that you could have a stable understanding family who loved you from the moment that they knew you were going to be born.
I have made so many mistakes as a human and as a parent. You and I learned and grew together in so many ways when you were a little kid. I had no idea what parenting 2 boys who had a really rough start to life would be like. I thought I knew but you quickly showed me I had no idea. Once I realized that I worked so hard to figure it out, to get help, to learn and figure out how to help you learn to love and attach to adults.
I have so many dreams for you, for us, for your future.
I miss you everyday and hope that you are doing ok.
I will always love you