Today I got out of bed.
That might be my biggest accomplishment for the entire day. I did not want to get up this morning and in fact I contemplated driving Kate to school in my pj's and then coming home and going back to sleep.
Depression can be like that, it come take over without warning sucking all the air out of the room and leave me breathless trying desperately to get enough air to survive. Today is hard because yesterday was hard and I didn't want to admit that I needed hep. I was challenged to look at why I am feeling the way I am and challenged to do something about it and to allow myself to acknowledge that I need help to find the light.
Sometimes it is important to sit in the bottom of the hole you have fallen into and just be in the darkness. Other times it is important to grab on to the rope that is being thrown to you and allow others to help you to begin to climb out.
I have been ignoring the rope for awhile now but it is time to grab on, to be supported and to be helped because I can't get out the darkness on my own.
Although the last 6 weeks have been horrific I had been in the dark at the bottom of the hole for a long a time. If I am honest I would say it has easily been a year and although there have been glimmers of hope and light in that time I am aware that the darkness consumed them time and time again.
So hand over hand I am going climb up that rope and work at moving forward in this new version of my reality and hope that it is not so hard that I have to let go.