Thursday 17 January 2013

Archived Post 2013 - Dear Kate,

Dear Kate,

Today is your adoption day. It is one of those bittersweet moments where we are all excited but very aware of all the losses that you have had to incur that have brought us to this day. We didn't tell you until this morning and you were so excited. Once the initial excitement wore off you turned into that hyper bouncing kid which usually means that you are trying to hide your real emotions. It took awhile but eventually you started to cry, as I expected you would. Because us adopting you means that you have had to say good-bye to so many others.

So far today is going well though, you are managing all your emotions as best you can and I must say I thought things would be much worse.

The last 6 weeks with you have been rough, there have been lots of moments when I thought that one of us was not going to make it bedtime. Christmas was exciting but hard for you because it was the first one, it was the first time for so many things and we do not do things the same way that others do, all the new things were more than you could handle. We tried to keep things quiet but there is no way to cancel Christmas. I will not lie, I did contemplate it on more than one occasion though. I do need to say in your defence, your brothers were also a huge challenge through the holiday season and all of it has left me done, as you say " Mama is done with our behaviour".

I am, I tired but there is so much about you that makes me willing to get of bed every morning and do it again. I can't really explain it, there is not too much to say that has not already been said,  you are a wonderful child, you light up my life in ways I never knew a child could. I have never come across a child as determined as you are and when I say determined I do not mean stubborn, I mean determined. When you say you are going to do something you do everything you can to make it happen and if it for some reason you can't make it happen it devastates you.

Kate, I can't imagine our lives without you, today as we make this all legal and forever I am sure I to will shed a tear or two because the road that brought here was one that no child should ever walk but I am so thankful to the universe that you are here and that you are ours. I mean that, even in my worst moments when I say things I later regret I will always love you more than you will ever know.


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