Wednesday, 1 May 2019

I know it could be worse.

For me one of the most frustrating parts raising kids who have experienced trauma and neglect is constant battle for honesty. I lied as a kid, I had my own trauma to contend with in the family I was living in and so a part of me understands but another part of me gets so defeated every time Kate tries to pull some dumb stunt and gets caught.

I keep trying to give her opportunities to be trusted, little things like getting ready for the day without my eyes watching her every move. She does well for a couple of days and then randomly screws it up, seemingly just to see if I watching.

I am watching. I am going to call you on it and then I am going to be mad and frustrated because I do not have the energy for this battle anymore. I know that I could just let it go and not fight with her about bedtime or eating breakfast but she has to function in the world each day and I know that she is often a disaster when she is tired or hungry. She lacks the introspection needed ( like most 13 year olds) to realize this and so we battle far to often about the most basic things.

I would love to stop fighting about things and just leave it be but I fear that the consequences of that would be so much worse then fighting about them.

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