I have been parenting since the summer of 2008 and I am so very tired. Not in a "parenting is hard" kind way. Not in a "I wish this was different" way but in a weary to my core way that is not changing. Weary in a way that when one of children does something like hides my shoes it sends me over the edge and I contemplate fantastical options like boarding schools as a solution ( yes I know it is not so don't start) to all my problems because I really do not want to keep at this for this another minute let alone for more years.
I am tired of the line of sight supervision. I am so over the stealing, lying and manipulating. I am done with pee. Triangulated teachers, hidden food, and gas lighting can all be left in the past as I want to move into a world where people enjoy being together and have relationships that are not always focused on healing and restoring relationships. Where people can watch kids play and not worry about what is being whispered and if kids are being sexually inappropriate or sharing information that is designed to exclude a sibling or friend from the group so they can be the center of attention.
I love my kids but I feel like I am facing a sentence where I count the days until I am legally free and clear. When I sit back and actually think about how often I feel this way it makes me sad that this is my reality. I'm tired of all the adoption storied where everyone talks about all the joy but no one is talking about when love is not enough. No one is talking about what happens when you 16 year old packs their bags and moves out because that is easier for them then them getting the mental health help you are saying they have to have.
This is not what I thought I would be doing when I became a parent in 2008.