I have had a day, actually I have had a week that would roll my socks if I thought about it for to long and it is only Wednesday.
We will survive.
At one point tonight I had 3 kids having epic meltdowns because the behaviours of their siblings were triggering them and thus everyone was freaking out. Jack was not home from work, the phone kept ringing and my wine iv was not yet inserted ( that part is a joke, you need not worry or report me). I survived it all though and I must pat myself on the back and say that I did it very well.
Yesterday one kid had therapy and we pushed him really hard to work through some tough stuff that he does not want to work through. One kid got sent home from school, well actually I pulled him out because they called me as he was non complaint and the ridiculous staff could not get him to be complaint... if they had asked the right staff member he would of turned it around but that did not happen and I had to go to the school at which point I just took him home. As I had one kids in the car and was heading inside to get the other their older sister T showed up. They have not seen T in months ( long story). She goes to school around the corner and has run into me there before. We have been meaning to get together since I found her a couple of weeks ago but things have been super busy. I think she was waiting to see if I showed up that day and lo and behold I did, with her brothers in tow.
Awkward barely begins to describe the boys interaction with her. None of them know what to say to one another and she was really parental and rather critical of both of them. They both laughed off what she had to say but I think that they were both hurt and reasonably uncomfortable. She is really struggling in her own life and I am just not sure what to do or how to help her.
I spent some time tonight, 24 hours later comforting Kevin over the tragedy that is not having his sister involved in his daily world. I can only begin to imagine how hard this is for him, he longs for her and I rarely even know where she is or what she is up to because the system is bent on protecting her privacy even if that means not having her siblings involved in her life. This angers me but I am helpless to change it. My boys hurt though and it makes me angry that the system is not willing to help them maintain a relationship that is so very important to them.
Today I also had the privilege of walking Randall through dealing with an old trauma trigger that reared its head and that he felt helpless to deal with. He had skills and tools and did not use any of them. To say I was frustrated barely begins to cover it and although he was triggered and scared I had to keep leaving him to deal with his siblings who were melting down in a much more spectacular fashion elsewhere in the house.
And there is my Kate, my girl who has lived in my home for not even 30 days and is working so hard to do the work she needs to do. I was in awe of her today and she trusted me with even more of the horrific story that is her trauma and that asked me if I could keep her safe, if we could keep her safe because she is so very scared of being hurt again.
She is 6.
There is not a six year old in the world who should ever have to ask an adult if they can keep them safe. As Kate cried in my arms in a parking lot at the drugstore I assured her that I would keep her safe. That we would keep her safe, that is what families do.
We picked up her brothers, we went to library, we came home, all hell broke loose. I was not surprised that she was unable to hold it together after our afternoon. I was not surprised that Kevin lost it when Kate began talking about T and then he made threats when she would not stop talking about her. Randall did not shock me with his choices either as we talked about all the things he could of done instead of the doing what he did.
Jack came home with a roast chicken and box of wine. I was grateful.
Kate made some interesting choices both during and after dinner and thus was in bed early. Once she was in bed the boys and I finished game of Ticket to Ride because one of the most important things I can do for them right now is to spend time with them once Kate is in bed. They need time without her pushing their buttons and they need to do things that are just for them.
Once they were all in bed Jack and I took some much needed time to talk and decompress, it was a really long day. I worked hard, I heard a lot of hard things and as we talked I was reminded that if I am feeling this way how must my kids feel. Healing from trauma is hard work for them and helping them is hard for us.
If anyone has an inside line on never ending patience I would appreciate being connected, that or the wine iv I mentioned earlier...