I saw a member on the beach yesterday, her daughter was dancing on her last nerve and she finally started to holler at her to listen and obey. I stared along with every other person in earshot as she berated her daughter. There was a difference though, I wanted to walk over and give that mom a hug, I wanted to tell her that I understood and that she is not alone. She was clearly parenting a child who was not hers by birth, a child who was doing her best to make mount mama blow her top and it was working. I did not agree with the woman's parenting but I understood every single comment that she made to her kid.
I have been that parent yelling in public, in fact I yelled at both my kids yesterday and people stared, people who do not live the life we live judge us. It's hard to be judged and stared at, to know that of all the people who are staring there might, maybe be one person who gets what raising adopted kids with attachment issues is like. I am among the lucky few who have friends both virtually and in real life who get it but there are so many moms who are all alone and as I watched that Mom I wished there was a way to let her know that I understood without coming across as some crazy person putting my nose into someone else's business.
I longed for some sort of a signal, for a way to say hey I get it, you are not alone. I know that you hoped and dreamed for this child, you longed for her, you wanted nothing more than to be her mother and now there are days you wished you could roll back the clock and change the past. I also know that there are good moments, moments when it all seems as though it will get better, good days, maybe even good weeks and then there is a trigger and all hell breaks loose again. I wanted a way to say that but I did not have one and as I watched her leave to beach my heart ached for her.
So if you are a member of the club know that you are not alone and if you are here visiting Maine this week and you see me yelling at my kids as they dance on my last nerve at the end of a long day don't judge me cause I am doing my best.