Thursday 2 December 2010

Archived Post 2010 - Ten things my son needs to learn.

Dear Kevin,

There are a few things that you really need to learn about me sooner rather than later.

1. I am not stupid.
2. There is little that you can do that I have not already tried.
3. I rarely got caught, you will not be as lucky.
4. Your teachers are on my side because I work at your school.
5. When I say that you are to buy book and not poster at the school book fair I mean a book and not a poster. When you proudly show me the poster you bought do not be at all surprised when I make you take it back and get a book instead. Bursting into tears is not a good solution.
6. When I ask you not to climb into the stacks of tires ( as tempting as they are) while we are at Costco waiting forever and a day for them to put our tires on DO NOT CLIMB INTO THE STACKS OF TIRES.
7. Repeating yourself over and over gets you know nowhere with me, did you hear me, nowhere.
8. I love you and all the quirky and funny things you do but if you don't stop playing with the toothpaste in the downstairs bathroom and leaving it all over the sink I am going to make you brush your teeth with baking soda.
9. I would strongly suggest that you stop dawdling over your cereal/oatmeal/toast in the morning when we are in a hurry because frankly I am tired of telling you to hurry up.
10. When I am tired and grouchy and I tell you that I would suggest you be quiet and do what I say because otherwise my head might explode and that would not be pretty.