Tuesday 14 April 2020

Head down, still here, wish it were different

So I am still here, trapped in my house with Jack who is usually on a different planet and Kate who is struggling with the current state of affairs in all the ways that 14 year old should be.

I have wanted to come write, to put pieces of this time of isolation down so that I would remember it later when I looked back but I needed to get the last of this semester finished and that took all the stamina I had. Coming here and writing was just one more thing that felt like it was going to take energy that is definitely in short supply.

In the midst of it all of the current chaos that is the state of the entire world I am still trying to manage the fact that the world is often not a safe place for children and right now that is really hard. I wish that was not the case, I wish we lived in a world where kids were valued and loved in all the ways that they should be rather than hurt.

In this time of isolation I am seeing once again how broken my family of origin is. Others are sharing how they are zooming and face timing with family. I have spoken to my parents once since this all started and texted with my older sister about once a week. That's it. There are no virtual family gatherings over meals or chats with Kate as they connect virtually because they can't be together because the truth is we would not really talk to each other in normal times so why would we talking now.

That makes me sad. I wish that it were different.

Today I am going to read and garden and do nothing just because I can. The next semester starts in 3 weeks so I have to get in all the lazy I can before then!